a month... really???

i guess i havent written for a month. thats ok though. alot has been happening. i have been on the search for a better salon to work at and finally found one i love. the manager is helping me go places. he wants to train me up right so that i can potentially be a manager. that makes me crazy excited because i fell like its my next step. also i have been working on the set of photoshoots in santa fe with an amazing photographer and a lady who owns the coolest place ever. its called the Costume Salon. i do almost all the makeup(except for the occasional drama queen who chooses to do it herself), i style hair and wigs, help put together outfits, and i get to help pose the models! its fantstic.

payne is working hard but decided that he only wants to work at olive garden. so hes been working like crazy there!! i love him for it. he takes care of our little family!

ever changing

well yall i was deep in the south all last week and learned some new things about life. but first let me explain how i even ended up in north carolina. im not going to overshare. just the basics. we had a major family emergency that caused payne to fly out on a sunday and i drove two days and two thousand miles to catch up with him. there was alot going on but thats not whats important or public information. what im getting at is the fact that i had never been anywhere east of new mexico/ colorado. so on wednesday morning i woke up at 3am and left my parents house in farmington and drove 2.5 hours to albuquerque. i stoped at my apartment to pick up a few things and then continued on. my next stop was tucumcari, new mexico. aka nowheresville!!!!! After another 3 hours driving i reached Amarillo, Texas. that place was pretty neat! (now all my stops were about 3 hours apart) my next stop was Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. the cities were slowly getting bigger!!! my next stop was Fort Smith, Arkansa. hole in the wall kind of place. then i stopped in Little Rock, Arkansa. it was pretty neat there. but i did notice the further east i got the greener things became. now my plan was to stop there and spend the night but when i got there i wasnt too tired so i kept going on. next i got to Memphis, Tennessee. (betcha didnt know this but the border of tennessee and arkansa is in the middle of the mississippi river. crazy huh!) i found a motel that was cheap, crawled into bed and crashed. i drove 19 hours and 1200 miles in one day. i felt like a champ!

the next morning i woke up at 4 got a quick shower and headed out. i had to drive the entire length of tennessee and half of north carolina. and i wanted to get there before dark. my next stop was nashville, tennessee. what.an.amazing.place. i was instantly inlove. i swore i could live there. then i found myself in knoxville, tennessee. now this place was well... weird. i couldnt wait to leave! after that i stopped in statesville, north carolina. after that i hit greensboro, nc but refused to stop. i was only 70 miles from my final destination. and then... I WAS IN CARY, NC (a suburb of Raleigh)!!!!!

but the coolest things i experienced was the mississippi river, ozark natl forrest/park, "everythings bigger in Texas" and 5 states i knew basically nothing about.

i also learned alot about me. im confident enough now to move across the country and be my own person. i need to start doing things for my small and simple family(just payne and myself). and also for myself. if you cant spare time to take care of yourself then you are in no shape or form to take care of someone else.

heres a lesson i taught payne too. its beyond hard to love yourself sometimes. especially when youve messed up really bad. but how can you love someone so deeply when you cant have self love?? answer: you cant. if you dont have a foundation of self love then anything you try to build on that foundation will colapse in on itself.

so... love oneself before someone else. i feel so wise and philosophical... but im not. im just throwing out nonsense i learned before i got married.

update

it really has been over a month since ive posted... wow! theres been so much going on that im not too sure where to start. so... here it goes.

Payne finally got his chance to proove hes an excellent trainer and has (to date) trained 8 new hostests at Olive Garden. Then he was excited because they needed someone to train a new server. (thats a big deal because servers you train are considdered a direct reflection on your work ethics) All the managers seem to be pleased.

Then a few weeks later Payne was offered a kitchen position at Outback. now he is working both jobs just to make sure i dont over work and make myself sick!!! he is truly an amazing husband who has come a long way!!

Also we adopted a puppy from the humane society. her name is Lily (but she responds to monster, booger, rotten, and google). she is a mix of Catahoula, blue heeler, and australian shepherd. the vet told us she can get as big as 80lbs!!!! which is what we were hoping for. We in an interesting part of town. its not bad or gheto, but its not the best either. so having Lily helps payne relax a little when hes at work and im home by myself.

Did i mention i absolutely hate my job?? well i do. ive worked at texas roadhouse for two months and have realized its deffinately not for me. im gladly eating my words about it being amazing. its a depressing enviornment. the managers are crude and mean and swear at you for no reason. ive tried not to let it get to me but i come home angry or in tears every night i work. its not a good thing. so im hunting for a salon job. atleast there i can have the pink hair i so desperately want.

also on a small sadder not, my dad has been getting some unlucky news. i know i can let it all out here because no one reads this. and if someone is (Emily ;D) i know you actually care. so about two weeks ago he went to the doctor and they told him that some numbers werent right and they wanted to do a few tests. he was nervous because he just had his 20th kidney transplant anniversary. so long story short the doc said his kidney isnt working right. hes putting out way way way too much protien and a bunch of other things. what we are worried about right now is that the kidney could be failing. if so that means he will need another transplant. to find out for sure on july 5th theyre checking him into UNM hospital to run a whole slew of tests! which means for 3 days i get to hang out with my family here at my house! but down side is my dads going to be in the hospital. its really sad. im nervous. were all nervous. keep him in your prayers please!!!

Honesty

Every relationship needs honesty. I am proud to say that Payne and I have honesty in our relationship. Sometimes we can be too honest with eachother. Ive discovered that in the long run if were honest we dont hurt as much even if some feelings get a little trampled on.
But its more about saying what you want then just spouting off random honest facts...
Thats the hard part, the part that you learn. I love learning new things!

Roadhouse Roadie

well ladies and gents its official! i am now a Texas Roadhouse Roadie! aka im a server there. training was rough but i love my job now! the managers are amazing and my coworkers are cool for the most part. im looking forward to a long lengthy employment there.

but in other news... well theres really not much else to talk about. payne and i are looking forward to a crazy busy mothers day. we both have to work that night. it should be fun!

and to all my friends who are mommas... HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

just a thought

I hate being away from my husband/ best friend/ panda bear!!!!!!

Moments

there are moments in life you never forget. your first time driving, your first date, your first kiss, your wedding day, the day you find out youre pregnant, the days your children are born, and the day someone you love dies. but these arent the moments im talking about. im talking about the moments that happen personally or in small ways. like your last day at a job that you really werent ready to leave. thats how i am right now. i had my last day at olive garden today and it was heart breaking in alot of ways. i love some of my coworkers and im going to miss them... liz, bianca, and sarah... youre all like sisters to me... tiffany c and christina, i just barely got to know you but i will so miss you! shelly and steph i will miss doing togo's with you. john, joel, clint, jared, and even steve i will miss yall! brian the bartender you made work bareable. and to everyone else i love you and will miss you. i will visit often and its not liek im going very far. but really... this place and its people... "when youre here youre family" doesnt even begin to describe the family we all created for eachother. so thanks yall!

Sundays

sundays are my favorite. church doesnt start till one so it gives payne and i a chance to be lazy and snuggle. i also like sundays because i get to relax and ponder the recent events in my life. take yesterday for instance. i decided to hand in my two weeks notice at olive garden. theres been alot of drama and stress there and its finally got me to a point where if i dont leave on my own terms my health will make me leave. i realized that olive garden is a hard place to quit. their slogan is "when youre here youre family!" and theyre not joking about that. your coworkers become siblings, uncles, aunts, and crazy second cousins... but thats the beauty of it. were all here to help eachother out. make you smile when your having a bad day. so when i quit i felt like im quitting a family too. the managers are amazing though. they are supportive and are doing all they can for us. payne is working hard and really prooving himself. they love him and are showing it too. its going to be a sad few weeks but life must go on.

well thats ive got... see ya later

update!!!

well its been ages! i guess im not very good at this keeping up business but i can update our lives now while im here...

in may 2010 payne was offered a job at olive garden in farmington and shortly after was made a trainer. he is now one of the top trainers at the olive garden off san mateo in albuquerque. he works crazy hours and is making huge improvements in positive ways! when hes not at work slaving away giving amazing customer service and training new people in the ways of olive garden hes home with his nose stuck in a book. its amazing the amount of reading he does. our book collection is growing all the time. we were lucky to discover some excellent second hand stores that buy and sell books... or else id be poor!

as for myself... ive been doing lots of soul searching. ive been working for olive garden as well but my time there is coming to an end. im looking at all my options but im scared to make a decision. im taking this weekend to really mull it over and figure out whats good for me. my health needs to be considdered as well. theres alot of preassure i suppose. but alls well that ends well...

so for now were just saying our prayers and smiling... free hugs!