ever changing

well yall i was deep in the south all last week and learned some new things about life. but first let me explain how i even ended up in north carolina. im not going to overshare. just the basics. we had a major family emergency that caused payne to fly out on a sunday and i drove two days and two thousand miles to catch up with him. there was alot going on but thats not whats important or public information. what im getting at is the fact that i had never been anywhere east of new mexico/ colorado. so on wednesday morning i woke up at 3am and left my parents house in farmington and drove 2.5 hours to albuquerque. i stoped at my apartment to pick up a few things and then continued on. my next stop was tucumcari, new mexico. aka nowheresville!!!!! After another 3 hours driving i reached Amarillo, Texas. that place was pretty neat! (now all my stops were about 3 hours apart) my next stop was Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. the cities were slowly getting bigger!!! my next stop was Fort Smith, Arkansa. hole in the wall kind of place. then i stopped in Little Rock, Arkansa. it was pretty neat there. but i did notice the further east i got the greener things became. now my plan was to stop there and spend the night but when i got there i wasnt too tired so i kept going on. next i got to Memphis, Tennessee. (betcha didnt know this but the border of tennessee and arkansa is in the middle of the mississippi river. crazy huh!) i found a motel that was cheap, crawled into bed and crashed. i drove 19 hours and 1200 miles in one day. i felt like a champ!

the next morning i woke up at 4 got a quick shower and headed out. i had to drive the entire length of tennessee and half of north carolina. and i wanted to get there before dark. my next stop was nashville, tennessee. what.an.amazing.place. i was instantly inlove. i swore i could live there. then i found myself in knoxville, tennessee. now this place was well... weird. i couldnt wait to leave! after that i stopped in statesville, north carolina. after that i hit greensboro, nc but refused to stop. i was only 70 miles from my final destination. and then... I WAS IN CARY, NC (a suburb of Raleigh)!!!!!

but the coolest things i experienced was the mississippi river, ozark natl forrest/park, "everythings bigger in Texas" and 5 states i knew basically nothing about.

i also learned alot about me. im confident enough now to move across the country and be my own person. i need to start doing things for my small and simple family(just payne and myself). and also for myself. if you cant spare time to take care of yourself then you are in no shape or form to take care of someone else.

heres a lesson i taught payne too. its beyond hard to love yourself sometimes. especially when youve messed up really bad. but how can you love someone so deeply when you cant have self love?? answer: you cant. if you dont have a foundation of self love then anything you try to build on that foundation will colapse in on itself.

so... love oneself before someone else. i feel so wise and philosophical... but im not. im just throwing out nonsense i learned before i got married.